JOKES - 1

I. Business and Office Humour

A paralegal, an associate, and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, 'I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you one.'

'Me first!' says the paralegal. 'I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Tom Cruise.

Poof! She's gone.

'Me next!' says the associate. 'I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.'

Poof! He's gone.

'You're next,' the Genie says to the partner.

The partner says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'

II.For thirty years, Johnson had arrived at work at 9A.M. on the dot. He had never missed a day and was never late.

Consequently, when on one particular day 9 A.M. passed without Johnson's arrival, it caused a sensation. All work ceased, and the boss himself, looking at his watch and muttering, came out into the corridor.

Finally, precisely at ten, Johnson showed up, clothes dusty and torn, his face scratched and bruised, his glasses bent. He limped painfully to the time clock, punched in, and said, aware that all eyes were upon him, 'I tripped and rolled down two flights of stairs in the subway. Nearly killed myself.'

And the boss said, 'And to roll down two flights of stairs took you a whole hour?'

III.The newly rich real estate developer splurged on a Rolls Royce Silver Shadow and couldn’t wait to show it off. So after a meeting with the manager of his bank, he offered him a ride home. “Whaddya think?” he couldn’t resist asking his passenger after a mile or two. 'Pretty snappy, eh? I bet you’ve never ridden in one of these before.”

“Actually I have,” the banker replied graciously, “but this is my first time in the front seat.”

IV.'My boy decided to go into business on a shoestring,' said George. 'He's tripled his investments, be he's still not satisfied, can you believe it?'

'Why not?' asked his friend.

'He can't think of anything to do with three shoestrings.'

V.An elderly real estate businessman and his young protege are standing on top of a ridge overlooking a vast valley of undeveloped land. The businessman says, 'Stick with me kid, and someday that will all be mine.'